The Poetry of Nick Names

Maggie, Maggie Mae, Magdelene, Margaret, Princess Maggie, Princess Margaret, The Divine Miss M.

Tootsie, Toots, Toot Toot, Tootie-Potootie, Tootsie-Roo, Tooter-Rootie, Tootsie Roll, The Poot.

That’s a lot of names for two dogs. But is there anyone on earth who doesn’t have a number of nicknames for their dog (or cat, or horse, or . . .)?

Three questions for you:

One: Do you think there is a correlation between how many nicknames you have for your pet and how close you are to them?

Two: Do you know of a book with nothing but lists of women’s nicknames for their pets? It exists; I had it in my library but now can’t find it. I couldn’t locate it online either (although I’ll keep looking). Please let us know if you know what I’m talking about; the book is a treasure.

Three: Most importantly, and with a ridiculous amount of joyful anticipation, what is your list of nick names? (All species welcome.) I am going to begin my mornings reading your lists, and I guarantee you it’ll be a great way to welcome the day.

MEANWHILE, back on the farm: The Divine Miss M wants you to know that it’s been awful, AWFUL! here. Tall Two-Leg Female had “complications” with her eye surgery, whatever those are, and we’ve hardly worked sheep at all. AT ALL.  And Tall Two-Leg Male has had a stomach virus, so he’s no help either. I AM SO BORED. PLEASE RESCUE ME, signed, Princess Margaret.

Here’s a photo of me, the Divine Miss M, that Tall Two-Leg Female likes a lot, taken by Steve Dahlgren, a professional photographer who came out a few weeks ago for a photo shoot. Stay tuned for more photos in the near future.

Tootie-Poototie would like you to know that Maggie, as usual, is being a drama queen. She doesn’t see what the fuss is about, except that Tall Two-Leg Female gets into a weird posture when she picks me onto the couch, or to get up the stairs. Something about the “don’t bend down” instructions from her doctor, whatever those are. She is calling herself the Queen of Squats.

This is me, Toot Toot, below, also taken by the man with the huge black, big eye thing. It made Maggie nervous, but I’m braver than she is. (Just let me at those sheep! I’d teach them a thing or two.)

Tall Two-Leg Female would like you to know that “not bending over” for an avid gardener this time of year and the owner of a geriatric, tiny dog and the caretaker of 8 paws in a mudmare of a farm is not an inconvenience, it’s a mini crisis. A crisette, if you will. The good news is that the surgery complications resulted in weekend visits to her eye doctor, who said that yes, you can plant some bulbs one day before the restrictions are lifted. Yay! (TTLF wants you not to worry, all will be fine in a few weeks.)

She wasn’t going to plant any bulbs at all this year, given all the work generated by the new landscaping and gardens. 24 Daffodils, 65 Hyacinths, 20 Tulips, 15 Crocus and 3 Wake Robins (total experiment) later, that plan didn’t work out too well.

After two 3-4 inch snows last week, it pretty much was now or never on the bulbs. The last ones to plant were above Willie’s grave. This summer it was riotous with the reds, pinks and oranges of zinnias. Next spring, just a little after a year since Willie died, it will be full of bright yellows and creamy whites.

TTLF would like to end by thanking Maggie Mae and Tootie Potootie for providing their soft, comforting bellies for belly rubs. And that she can’t wait to read your list of nick names.